Dementia Praecox
by Belward
Summary: My Fiance doesn't know me. He says he never even proposed. But I know he did. I know because I said yes. He thinks I'm lying. I think he's crazy. AH, AU. Dark,Angsty & with a realistic ending. Based on a real story.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer-I Don't Own Twilight.

**Prologue**

**December 2009**

"Everybody's looking for something

You don't know what you're looking for, baby…

You ain't got no love for me…

You don't love me.

And I've accepted it.

Moving On. Moving On, _Baby_.

I'm ready,

I want to get over all of it,

All the things I thought I knew came crashing down, overnight.

I'm tired of living in my mind…

You don't exist.

You're not there anymore.

Not for me. You got over me.

You _never_ knew me.

Never ever did, Never ever will.

And I'm finally getting over it.

Over the heartbreak,

Over the tears

I'm ending it tonight, baby, ending it all.

Moving On.

Moving On where I'd be better off.

You won't be there for me. Not Anymore.

Moving On. Moving On…"

My hoarse voice reverberated against the tiled walls and once again I wondered how I'd reached this point in my life. I turned my head to the bulb above the mirror and the bright light seemed to mock me with its fake glow. I turned my head towards the window and felt a bit better. At least the Weather Gods were kind enough to take me into consideration. The rain battered my palm as I stuck it out of the window. Staring at the dark clouds I smiled, knowing I would be leaving this shithole soon enough.

The soothing sound of water trickling out of the tub alerted me and I slowly moved to turn the water off. Taking my already wet hand, I skimmed it on the water's surface. Perfect. The temperature was exactly what I wanted. Once again I smiled and then broke into laughter with a hysteric edge. It was ironic that I had smiled more in the last fifteen minutes than I had in the previous week. Thinking of the past week, my mood once again soured and I sighed quietly.

I removed the towel covering my body and gingerly stepped in the water. As I sat down, water splashed out of the tub and I sighed contently as I closed my eyes and thought of everything that had happened this past year that had brought me here. His baritone voice filled my mind…

"_Hey…I'm Jasper…I'm looking for a sturdy air mattress for camping…wait…don't I know you?"_

"_I know…that's just for the benefit of others…but you…I can be myself with you."_

"_Look at them…they're all _**so**_ damn jealous of me…they _**wish**_ they were with a girl like you."_

"_I like you, babe… I like you a lot…would you be my girlfriend?"_

"_I don't know why you don't want us to be together but I love you, dammit! And I don't give a fuck about anything else. If you're playing hard to get then keep on playin' sweetheart, cause I ain't giving up on you. Ever."_

"_God, Woman! You're making me crazy! Stop looking at me like that at school cause you're fucking with my head!"_

"_I love you, babe…"_

"_I can't wait till you're legal, baby!"_

"…_will you marry me?"_

"_Happy Valentine's Day, Hun…"_

"_Excuse me? Do I know you?"_

"_I don't have a __**clue**__ who she __**is**__ Alice! I fucking swear!"_

"_You're sick. You seriously need help."_

"_I don't know what's wrong with you but please do yourself a favor and get yourself together…This isn't gonna help you."_

"_You're kidding, right?"_

"_Is this some kind of sick joke…a dare one of those girls gave you?"_

"_This __**really**__ isn't funny anymore."_

I laughed wryly…isn't this the part where the girlfriends turn up with a carton of my favorite Ben & Jerry's Ice-cream for a night filled with tissues and chick flicks and bad mouthing the jerk who broke me apart? I looked around the small bathroom, the aroma of the Vanilla-Scented candles taking over my senses….

Girlfriends - Absent.

Ice-Cream – Absent.

Tissues – Absent.

Sappy Romance Movies – Absent.

Broken Heart - Present.

Dried Out Eyes – Present.

Razor – Present.

Wrists - _So_ .Fucking. Present.

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**Please review and let me know what you thought. This is my first attempt at writing...I'd really appreciate some feedback!**


	2. Jasper

Disclaimer-I Don't Own Twilight.

_**My Jasper**_

**August 2009**

I sang beneath my breath, moving my hips slowly,

"_At times life is wicked and I just can't see the light  
A silver lining sometimes isn't enough  
To make some wrongs seem right  
Whatever life brings  
I've been through everything  
And now I'm on my knees again_

_But I know I must go on  
Although I hurt I must be strong  
Because inside I know that many feel this wayyy-AHHH!!!"_

My low voice took a screeching quality as Jasper snaked his arms around me, snickering like a naughty five-year old.

"What's cooking, good looking?"

I frowned at the love of my life… "I was _trying _to save you from starving and make us some lasagna…but if you keep doing that shit then I'm not making a thing for you!"

As if it had heard my threat, his stomach growled loudly and Jasper turned a bright pink and began rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, please don't be mad…you know I can't live without your food…my Nazi mother starves me to death!"

His adorable pout melted my anger and I stood up on my tippy-toes to give his stuck-out bottom lip a quick kiss. As I leaned back he groaned and pouted again.

I snickered, "Baby if you want some food, then you need to gimme some space, y'know …"

Jazz sighed dramatically, "Okay, okay…got the message, woman, I'll go…" At my glare he quickly added, "Set up the table of course!"

I rolled my eyes, "Move it, man!"

With a quick kiss on my forehead, he went off in search of plates. I smiled at him and pocketed his kiss when he turned his head and blew me one.

I turned towards the lasagna sauce on the stove and shook my head at the idiot's antics. Life couldn't be better. I had the perfect boyfriend-no, fiancé-and we were going to move out as soon as I turned 18...just a couple of weeks to go…no biggie…I mean, we had gotten this far, hiding our love from everyone else…what was one more month? We'd make it and we'd be out of our stupid parents' hair. I frowned. My father. Seriously, I have no idea what is wrong with that man…I mean, he hates me. Completely! Honestly, I think it's because I look a lot like mom. Mom left me with _Dad_ in Forks when she ran away with her then-boyfriend, now my stepfather. My stepfather's a nice enough guy… At least he doesn't treat me bad.

Anyway, back to Daddy dearest… He hates me. One time he poisoned me! Can you believe it?! And other times he tried to sexually abuse me! Psycho! I only have Jazz to thank for that…He _always _saves me…No matter what…Jazz is always there…He fought the jerk off and comforted me. God, I love my boy…Jazz is everything I ever wanted, and more. Actually had it not been for Jazz, I would've moved in with mom…I hate my father with _all_ my heart and I _know _the feeling's mutual. Jazz is the only thing holding me back to Forks…seriously…otherwise I would have run away. Far _Far_ Away!

"Babe?" Jasper spoke in the most _amazingly_ soft voice possible, "What's got you so serious?"

I sighed, "Just thinking about this hellhole and that soon we'll be gone and we'll never have to come back again…"

"Yeah, you're right…oh! I wanted to ask you…what came of your online shopping spree? Got the dress, did you?"

"Yeah I ordered it…It should be delivered soon…"

"What if your dad sees it?"

I smoothed the lines marring his forehead, "How stupid do you think I am? I specified the timings for delivery…12am-5pm, Monday-Saturday…I'm not chancing that A-hole's wrath if he finds out I'm getting away from his lazy ass."

Jasper snickered and said, "You're right, babe. He would skin me alive and _then_ feed me to the dogs at the station."

"Africa and Annan, you mean?"

"God…I'll never get their names…who would give their dogs such weird names?!"

"My mom."

"Um. Right. Sorry."

I laughed at his cute expression and let my fingertips ghost along his cheekbones…

"You know I love you, right, Jazzy?"

A faint smile danced across his perfect facial features and looking deeply into my eyes he sighed contentedly, "Nowhere near as much as I love you, sweetheart."

The sudden noise of the cruiser's engine sounded and both of us jumped up. Jazz ran up to my room, keeping up a steady flow of profanities and I hurriedly threw the plates in the sink and ran up right after him. I was panting and gasping with my back against my bedroom door when I heard my father's heavy footsteps in the hall below. Both Jazz and I sighed with relief unanimously when I locked the door and then broke into laughter after taking in each other's harried looks.

I grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him into bed with me and covered us both with the comforter. I snuggled into his side as he pulled me against his chest. I closed my eyes and thought back to the first time I saw him outside school…The day the roots for our torrid love affair were laid…

**

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**

**The Song is Don't Stop Dancing By Creed, and is one of my absolute favorites.**

**I just wanted to put this in that while this chapter might seem kind of pointless and more or less a filler…it has some very important parts in it that are crucial to the story's progress. The summary of the story said that it is based on a real life story. I just wanted to let you know that the person it is based off on is actually very close to me and any facts or information I might put in would be accurate. I have extensively researched the phenomena's that the story will mention. However, _to err is human_, and I will most probably still make mistakes. If you feel that something doesn't make sense or you are confused for _any_ reason. Please don't hesitate to ask! By the way, I have uploaded an album of the characters of Dementia Praecox. If you're interested, it's on my profile.**

**I would really appreciate it if you could let me know what you think of 'Dementia Praecox" so far!**


	3. The Shadow

**Disclaimer-I Don't Own Twilight**

Please take note of the date…The events in this chapter take place almost a year before Chapter1. This is Nov '08 and that was

_**The Shadow**_

**November 2008**

Beep…Beep…Beep…

The repetitive sound of the heart monitor might have scared some…but for me this was as normal as waking up to your blaring alarm. I sighed and tried thinking back to whatever might have happened that could have landed me in this horrible hospital cot once again…

Let's see…I woke up late…cursed at my father for not waking me up. Jerk…I went to school…Saw Jasper flirting with Kate, the school slut…ate my lunch in my car…attended bio…hmm…all that seemed normal…wait! What class do I have after Bio? Ah. Now I know. I always did hate gym…wonder what happened this time…Last time it was Eric's elbow…

The door opening interrupted my train of thought,

"Oh good. You're awake! You've been out for a while…How're you feeling now?"

I glanced at the nurse and rolled my eyes. Of course. I just had to end up with McGraw. I moved my eyes to the ceiling and didn't reply. After a few moments, she sighed.

"I'll send the Doctor in if you want."

I gave her a curt nod and hoped against hope that she won't send in her equally irritating husband. The door opened once again and I groaned. Damn. This really isn't my day…

"Allison said you were feeling better…You probably have a concussion but I'm willing to bet you can deal with it just as well as I would by now…"

He sighed and shook his head when he saw that I wasn't laughing at his lame attempt at a joke.

"Would you like to leave now ?"

"Sure, Doc…by the way…where's my father?"

Dr. McGraw smiled slightly, "I think he had a conference to attend…but you'd know all about that, right?"

I scowled at him, "Sure. Whatever. Can I leave now? I have somewhere to be."

"In a minute," McGraw sighed and left the room.

I rolled my eyes and glared at the false ceiling.

* * *

I ran to my car with my hands shielding my face from the harsh rain.

"Fuck! Watch where you're going, bitch!"

I fell to the ground with a loud smack and stared up at the retreating figure of the man I had blindly smacked in.

I stood up clumsily and slowly made my way to my car, the rain hitting my face harshly.

I opened the car door, turned the engine on, and tried to warm myself with the blasting warmth of the heater. I rubbed my eyes tiredly and slowly backed my car out.

I was just a little distance from Newton's when my car's engine began spluttering and gasping.

"Oh No…no, no, no…Please don't! God no! Not now! Arghh!"

I screeched loudly and beat the steering wheel with the side of my hands.

And slowly the car stopped moving at all. Shit, just what I need right now!

I hit the back of my head against the car seat and closed my eyes. I looked around and saw nothing but darkness. Crap. My eyes started tearing up. The electricity must've gone bust. God…I can't stand the darkness. I brought up my legs, curled up on the driver seat, and hoped that no one would hit my car in the dark…That would be one accident even _I_ won't be able to survive. Hmph. Well, I'm not about to just _sit_ here, waiting to die.

I angrily wiped my tears, fished out my ugly yellow raincoat from the backseat, and quickly put in on. Carefully locking up my car, I began my journey to Newtons', hoping I wasn't going the wrong way. It really wouldn't do to get lost in the darkness. Darkness. I shivered. Shit. I almost forgot it was dark. Crap. I can't stand the dark and now I am going in blindly in no light. Fuck. I am so going to put a flashlight or something in my truck tomorrow…If I make it out alive, that is. I whimpered and stared at the trees on the other side of the road. All Dark. There could be Werewolves or vampires in there, for crying out loud! And here I am…acting like a…like a pig with a tomato in its mouth on a silver dish!

Maybe I should just go back…I turned around to go back to my car but suddenly I saw a shadow and stopped in my tracks, gaping with my eyes wide open.

The shadow was a distorted shape, larger than a normal human, and was moving slowly towards my abandoned car. I slowly started to move backward with my eyes still trained on the shadow. Then I heard the click of my car lock opening and saw the shadow moving in my car and turning it on. FUCK! I turned on the balls of my feet and made a run for it. I panted, gasped, and ran for my life when I heard my engine getting closer and closer. Shit! He was driving slowly! He was after me!

Maybe I should throw this raincoat off…it's so damn bright! If I don't have it on then maybe he won't be able to see me…Just as I began shrugging the raincoat off, the headlights turned on and I quickened my steps and prayed that he wouldn't be a merciless serial killer or rapist and would finish me off painlessly. But he kept going slowly as if he was enjoying torturing me like this. Useless tears kept mixing up with the rain and I let out stunted sobs as I sprinted, stumbling along the way. As soon as Newton's came to view the driver made a sharp U-Turn leaving a screech behind in his wake and I screamed when I fell to the floor, gasping.

The car was gone before I knew it and I heard footsteps running my way as I hurriedly stood up, looking for the car in the distance. Nothing. I whimpered lightly as I heard my name being called.

"…Hey! Is that you? What's wrong?! You okay ?!"

I stared at Mike's panicked form and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yeah…I'm okay now…"

* * *

"Honestly though…you should go home…I can handle the shop today myself…The electricity's back on…You should take some rest…Its all cool here…I'll even talk to my mom about it…I'm sure she'll understand—"

I cut off Mike's rambling, "I'm okay, Mike, it's all good…I don't really want to go home right now…besides…I'm already late for my shift…Let me make it up…"

The last thing I wanted to do was to walk through the darkness for hours only to reach my empty house. Maybe later I could persuade Mike to give me a ride home. God knows what might happen if I walked home now. He stared at me skeptically as I traced the stupid flowers on my obnoxious raincoat anxiously, "I don't know…you did get messed up pretty bad today…"

His words made me realize that I still didn't know why I was at the hospital today.

"Oh yeah…What happened today anyway?"

Mike stared at me with a raised eyebrow, "Uh…you don't know? Um. We were in gym, playing volleyball…and it was Jessica's turn to serve…well…you know how she is…almost as bad as you are at throwing the ball and…well…you were in front of her--"

I let out a snort. Of course,… trust Stanley to do that. I had seen her play quite a bit and it seldom was pretty. I put on my employee's vest and asked him something else that had been bugging me.

"And what about my car? It was in the hospital parking lot…"

"Oh yeah…Jess was really sorry about everything so we drove you there…she drove your car and I drove mine, by the way…maybe you should think about not leaving the keys in the car…and, well…once we got you in, I gave Jess a ride home…so…yeah…"

Yeah…And they didn't even bother to wait for me to wake up. For all they knew…the bitch could've put me in coma. Well…what am I complaining about…My own father didn't bother checking up on me…I shook my head lightly and changed the topic, narrowing my eyes at Mike…

"_Jess_, huh? Why do I get the feeling that someone benefited from my grievous injury?"

He smiled a little and blushed lightly, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Ahan. Tell that to someone who doesn't know of your crush on Stanley, Newton."

He smirked at me, "Well…now that you mention it…I _might_ be taking her to dinner tomorrow…."

Snickering, I rolled my eyes at him, "Hope you score, bud…"

He frowned at my wriggling eyebrows, "Its not like that with Jess…I really do like her…I don't just want to jump in bed with her…I want to get to know her…have her as my girlfriend…the whole deal, y'know…"

I frowned at him, "Whatever…You'll get there either way."

He sighed exasperatedly and walked off.

I worked on rearranging the shirts on the rack and sang quietly,

"_I've gone crazy...  
Please forgive me...  
I've gone crazy,  
I'm so sorry..._

_Pour my heart into the dust,  
Step aside and watch it rust,  
You don't need to bury me,  
I've buried myself...'_

The chimes hung on the door tinkled and Mike said loudly,

"Finally! A customer!"

"Hey there…"

The song choked off in my throat and my eyes widened as I heard _his_ voice. Fuck! He's here! He's here! Shit! He can't see me for the first time outside school when I'm looking like a drowned cat!! I quickly looked around and decided that making a run for it was my best bet.

Well, I was halfway down the aisle when I realized why it wasn't such a bright idea. My wet multicolored shoes skidded across the smooth surface with a screech and I fell to the ground in an indignant heap. Jasper was talking to Mike when he saw-okay, _heard_-me.

"Hey…I'm Jasper…I'm looking for sturdy air mattresses for camping [Enter the drowned cat] …wait…don't I know you?"

I slowly got up with the typical Deer-In-The-Headlights expression that would put even Bambi to shame. I glanced at Mike and saw that his eyebrows were raised so high that they were in great danger of disappearing in his messy hair. I looked at Jasper and quickly took note what he was wearing. A cute schoolboy grey hat and an AC/DC shirt. Wait. AC/DC ?! Holy Crap! We have something in common! I simply _adore_ AC/DC! All their songs are magic! I did a quick mental dance as I moved my eyes below his torso to complete the inspection.

Hmm…_Really_ low bootcut jeans that were in great danger of falling off and baring his super toned legs for the world to see. Well, for Mike and me to see, actually…But. Urgh! Whatever. And yes. I know _exactly_ how toned his legs are. I get a good look at them whenever the sun is high…which, unfortunately is not very often in Washington.

I heard a snicker from Mike and turned my head to look at him. He was looking between Jasper and me, his lips slowly turning up to form an evil smirk and my eyes widened at his mischievous expression. Jasper cleared his throat and looked at me expectantly.

"Um…I know you…?" He prompted.

I blinked.

"Um. Yeah. Uh. We have gym together, I think…"

"You were in gym today, right, Whitlock?" Mike cut in with his devious smirk still in place.

I narrowed my eyes at Mike in warning as Jasper replied, "Yeah…Gym, sixth period…"

"Team number four, volleyball?"

Jasper looked at Mike with a confused expression and nodded slowly, "Yeah, why…?"

"Oh nothing…she was in the same team…got busted up pretty bad--"

I swiftly and tactlessly cut Mike off before he embarrassed me any further, "So! Air mattresses! Any particular one you're interested in?"

Jasper looked between a Mike and me with a bewildered expression and then cleared his throat as Mike snickered.

"Um…I'm not really sure…I'm new to campin' 'n' stuff…so…"

I nodded and quickly went into professional mode and rattled off all the information I had read up on airbeds when I first got a job here.

"Well…We have twin air beds, queen air beds and even king size air beds. All of the air beds come in a raised air bed or double high air bed styles. They aren't limited to just camping trips… raised air beds with built in air pumps are the perfect solution to accommodate guests or the kids' sleepovers. Why don't you follow me and I'll show you some you might like."

Jasper nodded and moved to follow me. I saw Mike making kissy faces behind Jasper's back so I discreetly flipped him off.

* * *

"Would that be all?" I asked as I handed him his change and the bill. I cringed. Shit! I should have asked him that _before_ I rang him up. Right? Or should I …My breath caught in my throat as I caught the direction his eyes were looking. Oh My God!Yes! Maybe he _does_ like me!

"Nice shirt."

Oh. Okay. So maybe he does _not_. No…wait! He likes my shirt! He complimented me! Yes! Oh! God, I really should reply before he thinks I'm retarded.

"Th-thanks. I…um…like yours, too."

Shit! I just have to be a stuttering fool in front of him!

He raised an eyebrow, "Really? You a fan?"

I blushed and sang in a low voice,

"_I wont take no prisoners, wont spare no lives  
Nobody's putting up a fight  
I got my bell, I'm gonna take you to hell  
I'm gonna get you, satan get you"_

Jasper smirked and sang back in his deep baritone voice,

"_You got me ringing hells bells  
My temperature's high, hells bells."_

"Wow…_Impressive_! Not many people know this got my seal of approval."

I ducked my head down, blushing a bright red. I expected him to walk out any minute now but when I raised my head, he was staring at me which such depth that my mouth fell open.

He lightly cleared his throat and nodded towards my torso. Well…more like my shirt. My British rock shirt.

"You British?"

I quickly shook my head, "No, but I love it all the same."

He nodded his head, staring at me, "Which one's your favorite?"

"The Clash."

"Ah. I'm more of a Sex Pistols man, myself. They're _it_ for British rock."

"Yeah, I like them, too."

"Hmm…what about Non-British rock? You like that?"

"The Ramones…"

He chuckled in his deep voice.

"Ooh yeah…Can't beat that. Maybe we can talk some time. There ain't many people at school who appreciate our genre of music."

"I-I'd love to."

I had to actually _bite_ my fucking cheek to stop myself from grinning like an idiot.

He nodded, "Thanks a lot…by the way…hope you get better soon…"

I swooned at his sexy Southern accent and bit my lip, nodding my head.

He smiled, "Great…well. I'll get goin' now…See ya!"

"See you," I breathed, smiling goofily at his now retreating figure…his broad shoulders…his slim waist…his amazing—

"Well. Now, we know why you're always so distracted in gym."

I scowled, "Fuck off, Mike."

* * *

I bit my lip as I watched Mike lock up the store.

"Hey Mike…could you do give me a ride?"

He looked at me with pursed lips and then sighed, "Sure."

As he drove to my house, I fidgeted in my seat. I don't know how I'm going to live through the night. I thought about asking Mike to call my dad but decided against it. I stuck up my chin defiantly. I'd be better off without my dad. God only knows what he might do. I'm always scared whenever I'm with him nowadays…he looks at me like he's going to…like…I don't even _know_! But I think it'd be safe to say that he doesn't wish me well.

"Hey…you there?"

I jerked my head to Mike's worried face and nodded, clearing my throat.

"You kinda seem out of it…You sure you're feeling okay?"

I rolled my eyes, and reached for the door handle, trying to reassure both Mike and my whimpering sixth sense.

"Sure, I am. Now go on home and dream up some horny Stanley-filled scenarios."

He pursed his lips indignantly, "I'll see you tomorrow."

I laughed a bit shakily as I got out of his car and looked at my dark house. I shut the door and waved at him as I searched my back pocket for the house keys and then cursed when I realized it wasn't there. Shit! I must've dropped it when I fell in the gym…or the numerous times in school before that…or the hospital parking lot…or when I was running from the creep in the car…or when I was running down the aisle when I was running from jasper...Well. You get the picture…I must've dropped it somewhere.

I took a good look at my surroundings. Surroundings. Yeah, right. As if anyone could see a thing in this lighting. So, I suppose it would make more sense if I said that I took a good look at the darkness encompassing me. Fuck. Let me tell you…if there is one thing I hate more than my father…it is the darkness. It fucking _creeps_ me out and sends my spidey-senses into super alert mode. God knows how many freaking shadow-thingies of creepy men are in there waiting to get me.

I searched beneath the doormat for the emergency key with a shaky hand, opened the door, switched the light on and slammed the door shut in record time. I leaned against the wall, breathing heavily, and turned to lock the door again. I slowly moved towards my room upstairs, flipping all the light switches on as I surveyed the house carefully. I sighed with relief as I saw my room was in the clear and jumped on my bed without bothering to take off my clothes. I closed my eyes as I thought back to my day.

Crappy. That is the _only_ word that could be used to describe it. Okay maybe Jasper talking to me was cool…but shit! He didn't ask for my number! That just freaking sucks. I pouted to myself. I bet it was because of the way I looked. Why the _hell_ can't I carry a lip-gloss and mascara in my back pocket like a normal teenage girl?! At least that way Jasper could have been impressed by me. And then he would have asked me for my number…then a date…then he'd ask me to be his girlfriend…then he'd be all romantic and propose…then we'd get married…have pretty babies and hold each other's hands as we looked at our first born exchanging vows with his soul mate.

I let out a frustrated scream. Tomorrow I am _so_ getting dressed up!

As soon as I heard my scream bouncing off the walls, I bit my lip. Damn! The house key could be anywhere…with any-_fucking_-one! For all I know they could be _downstairs_. And here I am, _shouting_ to let them know where I am. Could I _be_ any more stupid?!

_Thump. Thump. Thump_

Oh .My .God . Fucking FOOTSTEPS!! Someone's here! I jumped up from my bed and ran towards my dresser to get my cell phone. Shit! Fucking dead!

Crap! Crap! Crap! CRAP!

The footsteps kept getting louder as each second passed. I whimpered. I can't die _now_!! I have _too_ much to look forward to! Jasper hasn't even asked for my number yet, _God dammit_!

"Hey…Is anyone in here?"

I stopped my frantic search for the charger for my dead cell phone. Wait a second. I know that voice…But…what's he doing here? Now? In my house at 12am?!

I turned my head to the sound of my door opening.

There in all his glory, stood Jasper-Fucking-Whitlock.

* * *

**Hey!**

**Please let me know your thoughts. I would _love_ to hear what you think.**

**By the way, some people have asked whether this is A/J or B/J. Also, that the summary said it was E/B. Yes, I am aware of that and actually, you are meant to stay in the dark for a while…otherwise, the story would lose its edge when it gets to near the prologue. However, I am **_**really**_** interested in the pairings you think this story will have. Please ****review**** and let me know. By the way…if you want to see the things and clothes mentioned in this chapter…go to my profile…there's a link to all of them there.**

**Well that's it and I will try to update as soon as I can!**


	4. The Park

**Disclaimer-I Don't Own Twilight**

Please take note of the date…The events in this chapter take place almost a year before Chapter1. This is Nov '08 and that was August '09.

_**The Park**_

**November 2008**

"_Hey…Is anyone in here?"_

_I stopped my frantic search for the charger for my dead cell phone. Wait a second. I know that voice…But…what's he doing here? Now? In my house at 12am?!_

_I turned my head to the sound of my door opening._

_There in all his glory, stood Jasper-Fucking-Whitlock._

I gaped at him like a fish out of water.

"J-Jasper?"

He didn't reply. He just threw a sexy smirk my way and walked into my room, looking around.

"Nice place. Where's the chief?"

_Chief_? What the hell?! What's he doing here?! And why the hell is he so fucking calm about this?! Is this a habit of his? Walking into unknown girls' rooms at midnight?! I quietly fumed at the thought of Jasper with other girls.

"What are you doing here Jasper?"

Although I was swooning inside at the fact that Jasper Whitlock was here in my room, I was still uncomfortable with all this. I mean, I _know_ we go to school together and have a couple of classes together…but…what the hell? Today was the first time we've talked and…come to think about it…this is just plain creepy…He can't just waltz in without permission as if he _owns_ the damn place!

"Jasper? What are you doing here?"

_C'mon, Jasper! Answer me, dammit! You're creeping me out!_ Just as I was sure he wasn't going to say anything, he spoke,

"You dropped your keys today."

I stared at him. No matter how weird all this was, I couldn't help but notice that he spoke normally. Without the Southern edge to it.

"Um. I thought so. At Newton's?"

He nodded as he fished out my wooden keychain from his pocket.

"Here."

I took the key from his hand and stared at him stupidly.

"Uh. Thanks…I guess."

He smiled and dropped down on my bed and sighing loudly, "God, I'm tired!"

_What. The .Fuck ?!?!_ Okay…I dropped the key. He found it. He thought it his moral obligation to return it as soon as possible. Whatever. Where the _hell_ does he get off jumping in my bed?! Does he think I'm going to do something like that just because he got me back my key?! God. I know I've been crushing on him since forever but this is just…just…_mental_!

"Huh. Nice. So…um…you should go home now…your parents are probably worried about you…and you can get some rest…Thanks again! For bringing my keychain. Again. I mean…not again…since. Um. You…uh just brought it once…but I meant…"

He looked quite amused by my rambling and I decided it would be best if I just shut up.

I cleared my throat and gave him a lame wave, "See you at school!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Sure. School. Nice seeing you again."

I watched him get up from my bed with unnatural gracefulness and gave him a weak smile when he turned his head as he was near the door frame. And just like that, he was gone. I looked down at the key in my hand and wondered what the hell just happened.

Did Jasper Whitlock, my yearlong crush, just come to my room at midnight when I was alone in the house? Did he really lie on my bed? I shot up from my position on the floor, dropping the key in the process and hurried to smell my bed cover. Oh. My. God! It smells like…hmmm…I don't even know! Something really spicy and manly…Definitely nothing like the powder I use! I buried my face in my Jasper-scented pillow and tried to suppress my ear-to-ear smile. Jasper Whitlock. Was here. In my room. My _bed_. Oh My God!! He was here!! Jasper Whitlock was _here_!! I screamed out loud and started laughing jubilantly.

He was here. Oh My God. My chest started heaving as my laugh got louder. I stood up on my bed and started jumping up and down. _Jasper_! Oh My God! I can't breathe! He was here! My super sexy unapproachable crush was _here_!! I fell to my bed and closed my eyes, still breathing heavily. Jasper…

***

I groaned loudly as my hand flew to my right to shut the damn alarm. Urgh. What time is it anyway? Crap. 8.10. I shot off my bed and hurried to my bathroom. I was ready in record time and grabbed an apple from the kitchen table as I ran outside for my car. Nothing. _Shit! Where is it?! Oh…_

The shadow! I shuddered and looked around. No darkness. All bright. I sighed in relief. My breath caught in my throat as I remembered another important part of the previous night. Jasper.

He was here? I bit my lip and looked down…trying to remember what happened. It all seemed so surreal…he couldn't possibly be here. I shook my head and made my way inside the house. There was no way I could make it on time on foot. Kids ditch school all the time, after all…I could just say I was sick if someone asked. I opened my bedroom door and looked around. Nothing was out of place. No indication that I might have been graced by his presence last night.

I slowly walked to my bed and smelled my bed cover. Nothing. I frowned. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have dreamed up that exquisite smell. I picked up the pillow and buried my nose in it. Yes! There it was. Very faint…but still there. I closed my eyes and concentrated. If I focused enough, I could smell it even better! I hugged the pillow to my chest tightly and smiled. I had the whole day to do nothing but hug my Jasper-scented pillow. I closed my eyes, my face still buried in the pillow and slowly drifted to la-la land where Jasper was declaring his undying love for me…

***

A soft pressure on my scalp woke me up. I drowsily opened my eyes to see my father looking down at me with a deceptively tender expression on his face. It took me a second to realize that he kissed me on my head. That woke me up and I shot up and stared at him with wide eyes.

"What are you doing here?!"

He looked a bit disappointed that I wasn't going to play his sick game and sighed, "I drove off as soon as the conference ended. I know you're scared of the dark. And there's supposed to be a thunderstorm tonight. The power would probably be cut off…"

He looked at me with a hopeful expression that made my eyes widen with horror. Dark. My Father. My two fears combined. Me. Alone. With My Father. In the Dark. I whimpered and moved away from him and his face fell.

"Now, now sweetheart…It's okay. I'll be there…"

He tried to put his arm around me guised in the form of comfort to get his own sick pleasure but I backed away and got up from the bed, trying to be inconspicuous about it.

"Um. I have work today…"

He frowned.

"You're not going. It's not safe. I'll call Mrs. Newton and let her know. I'm sure she'll understand…she has kids of her own…"

I bit my tongue to stop myself from shouting at him and nodded reluctantly. _Of_ _course_ he wasn't going to let me go. That wouldn't fly too well with his plan, now, would it? I shuddered, thinking about whatever he may have planned. I swear, if he lays _one_ finger on me…I'm calling mom. There's _no_ way I'm going to stay with a mentally disturbed man with serious issues.

***

I spent the day hidden in my room, with it securely locked. I wasn't really in the mood to study, so I got out my laptop and searched for some clothes I could buy. I'm not really big into shopping in the mall…all those people staring at me freaks me out and I always end up with the worst possible outfits. So, whenever getting something new became a necessity, I always used my trusty credit card to get me some goodies. This way I could take my own sweet time and try getting what would suit me the best.

_I come home in the morning light  
My mother says when you gonna live your life right  
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones  
And girls they want to have fun  
Oh girls just want to have fun_

The sudden blaring music from my cell made me jump. I rolled my eyes at myself and checked the caller ID. Mom. I sighed. Could I be any stupider? The ring tone was Mom's…who else would be calling from her phone?

"Hey Mom…"

"Hey sweetie! How are you? How's school? How are your grades?"

"Fine, Fine and Fine, mom."

"Aw…cheer up, darling! How's your father?"

"Good, mom."

The phone was silent for a minute before my mother sighed quietly,

"Are you sure you're okay, darling?"

"I said I was fine mom. I'm not really in the mood for a heart to heart."

"Are you ever?"

"Drop it mom."

"Do you even have any girlfriends at school? I've never heard you mention a sleepover or a party or a boy…You should really get out there—"

I scowled at the wall. I don't really get my parents. First, they don't want me dating before I graduate. Then they want me to gush about these guys? What the fuck do they _want_ from me? Can't they make up their minds already?!

"Whoops. Look at the time, mother. Daddy dearest is calling. I should get to him. I bet your husband is calling you, right?"

"For God's sake! What is wrong with you?!"

I sighed as I hung up on the woman who gave birth to me.

***

I woke up groggy and with a growling stomach. I groaned and rolled to my side but stopped when I felt something hard pressing at my side. I raised my head. My laptop. Shit! It could have fallen off the bed. God only knew where I'd get a new one from if I broke this one…

Rubbing my face lazily I reached to connect the power cable to my hp laptop. Then I hopped off the bed, as I checked the time. 1.49 pm. Hmm…thank god it's the weekend…

Weekend. No Jasper. Sigh. How sad… Still, I have work to do before I see him again. I still haven't decided on a suitable outfit for school on Monday… I groaned again as I turned my laptop on.

---

It was 5.00 pm now and I was done with the online shopping, the laundry and my homework, too. I was sitting in the living room, staring at the TV unseeingly. I don't even know why I bothered turning it on…I've always hated watching TV. Especially alone. I don't know why…it just creeps me out. Dad had said that he would bring back my car and have it checked up. I didn't mention the shadow to him…He would probably arrest everyone.

However freaky he may be, I know my father is protective of me and would never be okay with people harassing me. Other people, that is. And the last thing I need is the attention. _The weird police chief's daughter, harassed by unknown man. Many arrests made by the chief. Most released after failure to gather any evidence against them_ . How damn humiliating would that be? Jasper would never want to talk to me then. I frowned.

I wonder what he's doing now…would he be thinking of me? I bit my lip. Honestly…I think he might like me…

My train of thought was broken by the distinctive bleep of a text received. I opened my cell phone and stared at the sender's name with wide eyes. Jasper?!

How'd he get my number? How the fuck did _I_ get _his_ number?!

I quickly opened the text and my breath hitched.

_Hey, you free? Wanna meet up?_

Hell Yeah! Wait…am I free? All homework done? No Charlie? Check and Check. Free as a lark.

_When and where?_

_Meet me at the central park in ten minutes._

I snapped my cell phone shut and let out an embarrassingly loud squeal.

***

I quickly threw on the best outfit I could find in the limited time I had before I met up with him and started the short walk towards the park.

I strode towards the park and tried to calm myself the best I could. And of course, that didn't work, so I resorted to the best way I could calm myself. Music. I mean what would Jasper think if I turn up to meet him stuttering and sweating like a whore in church? I'll tell you what. He'd run the other way so fast that it'd make my head spin!

I quickly took my ipod out of my pocket and clicked around until Clair de Lune was coming through my headphones. I slowed my steps, taking slow breaths and humming to the tune.

Before I knew it, I was at the park. And I wasn't stressed at all! Yes! Mission accomplished! I looked around. No Jasper. Hmm...Well he should be here soon.

I walked towards a bench and lightly waved at a cute little baby who was smiling at me.

I was on the third song of my playlist when I started panicking. What if he stood me up? What if it was just a joke by the popular kids? Oh My God! What if they _know_ that I have the hots for Jasper Whitlock?! By now, I was full out hyperventilating.

Right then I felt a gentle tug at my earphones. I turned right sharply and then let out a sigh of relief. Ah! He's here. I smiled widely as I tried to regain my composure. Once again, he graced me with his god-like smirk and raised his eyebrow, "You okay there?"

I blushed a deep red as I thought of how I must have looked to him. A hyperventilating fool. God! Even worse than a stuttering idiot! I cleared my throat and gave him a weak smile.

"Um. I'm good. You?"

"Fine, fine. I like your clothes…you're looking beautiful."

I bit my lip and frowned. I know I didn't dress up or anything…so what's his deal? Was he trying to be funny? Or sarcastic? He must have seen that something was wrong by my demeanor because he smiled genuinely.

"I don't lie"

I smiled as I looked up at him through my eyelashes. I lightly cleared my throat,

"So…why'd you call me here? Not that I mind…"

He smiled.

"I just wanted to see you. We last saw each other on Thursday…it's been too long."

I stared at him with wide eyes. Does he miss me as I miss him? Everyday? As if he heard my mental question, he said, "The days seem too long without you."

I turned my eyes to the left shyly and kept my eyes on a boy playing in the sandbox. Jasper was being _too_ sweet. I just don't get why. Why now? Why me? He has always been quite a ladies man at our school but I've heard that he doesn't spend time sweet talking them. Just straight to business. What's different this time? And there's something off about him. Something about the way he talks…

"What are you thinking about?"

I quickly turned to him. That's it!

"Your accent!"

"Huh?"

"You had a southern edge to your accent…but…um…"

I trailed off. What was I supposed to say? Why aren't you speaking with a Texan accent? That would be just too weird. But surprisingly he didn't find my question strange.

"I know…that's just for the benefit of others…but you…I can be myself with you."

I frowned.

"So that was just for show?"

He sighed heavily.

"It's like…people _expect_ me to talk like that just because I spent five years there… People look up to me at school…they want to think I'm cool…that I'm different…but really…I'm not…I'm just another guy…"

I stared at him, my frown still in place.

"It's not fair to you or to the others if you act like something you aren't. They don't even know you…Why do you let others pressurize you into being something you're not?"

He licked his bottom lip nervously.

"I didn't think they'd accept me…I can only truly be myself with people that I feel won't judge me and accept me for who I am."

I did not miss the sideways glance he threw my way. Although I did not agree with his philosophy, I nodded. I am not sure I could pretend to be something else just for high school popularity. Seems a bit shallow, if you ask me. But it looks like he might start showing his true self. Maybe I could help him with that. Yes. I will surely help him.

I smiled.

"I'm sure you'll find many out there who would love you for who you are on the inside."

He looked deep in my eyes, "I think I will."

***

I shivered and rubbed my arms. I don't know where the time went. It felt like I just got here. However, the sky was darkening and I realized with one look at my watch that I had been talking to Jasper in this crowded park for more than two hours. Jasper saw me glance down at my watch.

"Ah…it's getting late…your dad must be worried."

I nodded reluctantly. Although it was late, I am sure dad wouldn't have worried…he was most probably still out with his fishing buddies. However, he would freak if he found out that I had been out with a guy. I was sure that word would get around and he'd realize that I was getting friendly with a guy. I frowned.

"Thinking again?" he chuckled.

"Um. I. Could we possibly keep our...friendship…a secret for the time being? My dad's not big on me being with guys…"

He stared at me with a raised eyebrow and nodded reluctantly.

"Whatever you're comfortable with…At least this way I know you're planning on seeing me more often," He winked.

I blushed and looked at the few people still left in the park. Some of them were looking my way, staring at me with curious and weird looks. Jasper's next words made me realize that he must have noticed my preoccupation.

"Look at them…they're all **so** damn jealous of me…they **wish** they were with a girl like you."

I turned my head towards him slowly. He winked at me, grinning impishly and I let out a disbelieving laugh.

"What? You know deep down its true."

I rolled my eyes and got up. I couldn't ask Jasper to walk me home in case dad saw him. And I _really_ don't want to walk in the dark all alone.

***

**Hey! **

**If you have any questions, review and let me know…I reply to all queries extensively and try to clear up any confusion as best as I can. Oh and just so you know, this story would have canon pairings soon…so do not worry!**

**Please ****review****!**

**The song mentioned is:**

**Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Want To Have Fun Lyrics**

**Well that's it and I will try to update as soon as I can!**


	5. Just Friends

**Disclaimer-I Don't Own Twilight**

Please take note of the date…The events in this chapter take place almost a year before Chapter1. This is Dec '08 and that was August '09.

_**Just Friends?**_

**December 2008**

It's been a while since Jasper and I first started hanging out. The day in the park was the only time we spent in public…nowadays we just hangout at my place whenever dad is not around. Almost two weeks have passed since he first entered Newton's Store. Things have never been better for me. However, the fact remains that we are still friends. Just friends. And _secret_ friends at that. It's a bit sad…I know I really like him and that I've wanted him to notice me for so long…but it's just not the same…I know he likes me….and he should damn well know that I like him, too!

For Gods sake! What kind of girl would be okay with the headache that is Jasper Whitlock? Okay, I know he's gorgeous and all…but sometimes, I wonder if his mom didn't drop him on the head as a baby…

He's just so….strange sometimes…and any girl who puts up with his shit _has_ to care for him. We avoid each other as much as possible at school…it wouldn't help if word got around because it would just put a strain on our relation-friendship. NOT relationship. Friendship. Okay? Friendship. Just plain old friendship.

Not to mention my dad…that would be horrible, too.

The only contact Jasper and I have had at school these past weeks was at the cafeteria. We were in each other's way in the lunch line. Jasper was carefully avoiding my stare. However, I knew he noticed me. I knew it because he had a faint smile on his lips as he gazed over my shoulder. That evening he came over as always and told me what I already knew…

"_I couldn't look at you. If I did…I know everyone would have found out. I'm a pathetic actor…I would've given it all away…"_

Dad has been getting worse and worse…I've started locking up my door whenever he's around and I know that it pisses him off. He confronted me one night.

_It was late at night and dad was usually in bed by then. I tiptoed to the kitchen so as not to wake him up._

"_Hey…what're you doing here?"_

_I turned on my heels so fast that I got a crick in my neck. _

"_OW! Crap…it hurts," I whimpered as I gingerly cupped my throat._

"_What hurts, sweetie?"_

_I took a step back to match my father's step forward. He stopped in his tracks and got a strange look on his face and his eyes started glistening. I wonder if he's high…I wouldn't be surprised…he drinks enough beer to be eligible to enter Alcoholics Anonymous…aren't drugs the next step?_

"_I'm fine…just need to get some food…"_

_I trailed off as I rummaged through the fridge for something edible…apple? Beer? Water? Cold lasagna? Bingo. Just a little round in the microwave and I'll be good to run (and hide, in my case). Come to think of it…where's daddy dearest?_

_I turned and looked at him…he was still near the kitchen table where I had last seen him. How come he wasn't making any untoward advances? I frowned. If he wasn't going to do anything…why was he still standing here?_

"_Can I help you?"_

_He shook his head as if he was clearing his head and a determined look crossed his face._

"_Why have you been hiding in your room?"_

_I started. What was I supposed to say? _To hide from you, daddy? _Nah. I'm just trying to shy away from reality here. Confronting and fighting isn't my style. So I took the easy way out. I lied._

"_Isn't that what every teenager wants? Their privacy?"_

_He frowned at me and I quickly turned and ran up the stairs…muttering a quick goodbye as I went._

The shrill sound of the bell ringing brought me back to reality. Finally! The class went on forever! I was halfway to my locker when I bumped into someone. A very blonde someone. Bleached blonde, if you ask me. Kate McGraw, Fork's High's *IT* girl looked at me with a menacing expression.

"Can you _watch_ where you're going? What is _wrong_ with you?! I was walking _right_ here! Why the hell didn't you move out of my way, freak?!"

I narrowed my eyes at the pathetic little drama queen in front of me and decided to let her have a piece of my mind.

"Excuse me? Can _you _watch where _you're_ going? What is wrong with _you_?! _I_ was walking _right_ here, too! Why the hell didn't _you_ move out of my way, bitch?!"

I noticed that the whole hallway had stopped and was paying full attention to the scene unfolding before them.

Jessica, one of her sidekicks raised her over-plucked eyebrows and grabbed Kate's elbows before she could actually reply…all the while muttering about what a stupid slut I was. Wow. I feel like I just stepped in the set of Mean Girls. If I hadn't seen these three, I would've thought all of that was fake. They usually stayed out of my way because we seriously butt heads. I can't stand fake people. And I'm not afraid of standing up to them and letting them know what I think. To be completely honest, I think that is the main reason I feel strange with Jasper. Most of his habits in public are different from when we're alone. And I can't help wonder who he really is inside. You could say that I don't really trust him. I mean…he's a good friend…but I don't know what his intentions are…I still think it's some kind of elaborate prank he's playing.

I huffed and walked away briskly, hoping the teacher for my next class called in sick.

Alas. No such luck. Mr. Banner was walking around the class, passing around papers.

Shit. The test. I forgot! I completely forgot! Damn Jasper for staying over so late last night! I looked around the class, wondering if I could persuade anyone to help me cheat. My eyes locked onto Angela Webber. She was sitting all alone…maybe she could help me out…

I quickly walked towards her, "Is this seat taken?"

She looked up at me with a small smile, "Nope. Have a seat."

I dropped my bag on the floor and turned to her.

"So…how well are you prepared for today's test?"

***

I checked the time on my cell phone and bit my lip. He was never late. And now it was almost five…more than an hour later than the usual time he came to my house. I sighed and peeped out of the window for the millionth time in the past hour. I don't know what happened…he should be here by now...

Another look at the time and I stuck up my chin defiantly. People do run late. They can't be on time every single day…that's perfectly normal. However, looking out of the window the entire time, waiting for them to come is _not_ normal. I'm sure he'd have a completely legitimate reason for not being on time…not that we had ever made anything official. Not that we had actually said that we were going to meet everyday at my house by 4 pm. I frowned as I realized that we had just been swinging it till now. He could even _not_ come over and that would be perfectly fine. Technically.

I jumped off the couch, angrily stuffing my cell phone in my back pocket as I entered the kitchen. I could probably make something…

Hmm…Chocolate cake…my very own chocolate cake recipe…it'd take a while to make…but it would take my mind off Jasper and his idiotic, _petty_ mind games. I'm not sure who exactly he thinks he is…blowing me off like this. And if he says that we didn't exactly make any plans to meet today…then it is his own fucking fault. To just leave me hanging out here, without confirming anything. Bastard. See, things like this make me wonder who Jasper Whitlock is inside. Is it the sweet, rock-loving guy he is with me? Or the cocky, arrogant, two-faced jock in school?

I slowly sifted the dry mixture of the cake, trying to convince myself that looking at the time wouldn't do shit for me. The beep of the microwave alerted me to that the butter was done and I wiped the flour off my hands on my apron. As I measured the brown sugar, I thought back to the many times I had burned with jealousy due to Jasper.

I seriously doubt that Jasper knew I saw him, because he never mentioned any other friends he had to hang out with and because he spends his whole day with me…he wouldn't have been able to get any time to go on dates. I could've flattered myself that he spends all his time here because he was interested in me…but seeing him with all those girls cured me of any such idiocy. This was what led to even more confusion. If he weren't interested in me…why would he waste all his time here? And so the elaborate-prank thoughts resurface.

_I was already late for my class so I thought it would be best if I took a shortcut. I was running down the hall when I heard light moans from behind the gym…where I was heading. I slowed down and wished I could just pass by without the sexually active couple knowing I was even there. Well. I got my wish. Jasper and his skank didn't even look up as I stared at them like a fish out of water. If anything, their moans just seemed to increase in volume as they groped and necked each other. I bit my lip and turned around, shaking my head. To hell with being late for class. I had a date back home with a carton of ice cream._

If that were the only time something like this happened…I would've tried to forget the whole incident. But no, the day after that, I heard Lauren and Jessica gossiping and Jasper's name caught my attention.

"_Oh My God, Jess! Jasper was _amazing_! He came over to my house late last night and sneaked me out. And his car. God, His car is _SO_ sexy! Well, we christened it! It was so hot…"_

"_Well…you didn't do it on his bed. Have you _seen_ his room?! It has that whole mirror ceiling thingy. Damn…_that_ was hot!"_

_Their high-pitched giggles made me cover my ears and stalk off bitterly._

I shook my head violently as I cracked open the fifth egg. Over thinking this isn't worth it. If he wants to come…he'll come. Besides, we're just friends. And I'll be damned if we become anything more. I've seen the way he treats women. The whole school is littered with ex-girlfriends of his. The longest time he spent in a relationship was a month. And that's not what I want. I want forever. I want a man who can _give_ me forever. Who'll _want_ to give me forever. And having two months (If I'm lucky, that is) is not good enough me. Not enough for the heartbreak that is sure to follow.

I'm not big on commitment. But I _know_ that when I _do_ commit, it's going to last. Even if it'd only be one-sided…because I'm just not the type of person who can be with a different man every other day.

And Jasper... Well. Jasper can't give me forever.

***

I was mixing the butter mixture and the dry mixture when I heard the distinctive knock on the door. I rolled my eyes and scoffed bitterly as finished up my batter. He'd made me wait about two hours. He could do a few minutes outside. As the knocking grew in volume I shouted, "I'm coming! Hold your fucking horses!"

When my shout didn't help the situation and the knocking kept me from concentrating on measuring out a cup of boiling water, I gave up with a huff and stormed towards the door.

To no one's surprise, Jasper stood there, smiling timidly.

"Jeez! You keep that up and you'll break the damn door!"

He looked up at me through his lashes and I reminded myself that taking out my anger on him wouldn't help any because _technically_, the bastard didn't do anything wrong.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, Whatever. Don't do it again. Charlie will have you by the throat."

He nodded and quietly followed me to the kitchen.

I turned my back to him as drained away the water in the cup and poured more from the scalding hot pot. I heard Jasper awkwardly clear his throat, "So…how are you?"

"Fucking Peachy."

I saw him rubbing the back of his hand on his neck through my peripheral vision.

"Um…good. How was school…?"

I turned around with a sneer on my face.

"Fucking perfect. Yours?"

"Uh…good…it was…good…"

I made a show of rolling my eyes at him exasperatedly and stalked off to get the baking dish.

"You'll have to be quick with your shit, Jasper. I need you out of here in a few minutes. What did you want again?"

"Just…wanted to see you."

"Great. You've seen me, now you can get your bony ass out of here before my father gets here and does it for you."

"We…still have some time…can't we…talk?"

"Sure! Talk! Talking is good! Let's fucking talk, Whitlock."

"Um…what are you making?"

"Chocolate cake."

"Oh, My favorite!"

I rolled my eyes and sneered at him, "Who _doesn't_ like chocolate cake, Jasper?"

"Um…my mother hates all kinds of cakes."

_Your _mother_ hates all kinds of everything. Including you, Whitlock. _When he realized that I wasn't going to reply he said something I had not expected. At all.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

I stared at him incredulously.

"WHAT?!"

I gaped at Jasper with my jaw hanging open when I heard Charlie's car outside. Fuck. Perfect timing.

***


	6. O Romeo, Romeo!

**Disclaimer-I Don't Own Twilight**

_**O Romeo, Romeo!**_

**December 2008**

_When he realized that I wasn't going to reply he said something I had not expected. At all._

"_Will you be my girlfriend?"_

_I stared at him incredulously._

"_WHAT?!"_

_I gaped at Jasper with my jaw hanging open when I heard Charlie's car outside. Fuck. Perfect timing._

"I like you, babe - Really, I do, more than - Well. I like you a lot…would you be my girlfriend?"

My mouth stayed hanging open as I heard Charlie's car door slamming shut.

"So will you? Bella? Be my girlfriend?"

"Uh. NO! Get the hell out of here before Charlie comes in, Jasper!"

The dramatic fall of his face at my words didn't escape me, but I was in no position to actually explain my decision to him. Charlie was almost inside and I would be toast if he found Jasper in here.

I hurriedly grabbed his elbow, pushed him towards the kitchen door, and hissed, "Out! Now! Get the hell out! OUT!"

And before you could say "Gorgeous, Lousy Player", the kitchen door was shut, Jasper gone and me facing my dripping wet father,

"Hey…"

"Oh hello, sweetheart, how are you?"

"Fine, fine…I'm fine…so….um…I should go…sleep…uh…study…"

Charlie raised an eyebrow at my amazingly inarticulate sentence and I rolled my eyes and stormed up the stairs, still floating on my adrenaline high.

***

I aimlessly rolled the pen in my hand, trying to focus on something that wasn't related to Jasper. But so far, I had been shockingly unsuccessful. Fuck Jasper. He didn't come over yesterday, the bastard. He came EVERY fucking day! Just because I don't want to have a damned relationship with him, he thinks he can dump me like tomorrow's garbage?!

Good thing I didn't say yes…God knows what an ass he can be.

***

Damn. Not again! I need to stop checking my phone for texts. If he wanted to contact me, he would've made it happen. But obviously, he's too busy for that. Too busy doing his best to avoid me. Fucker. God, I wish he never stepped foot in Newton's shop! That he never needed a stupid airbed! Who needs an airbed anyway? Better yet, that he never came to Fork's high!

Huh!? And as I wait for a time machine to be invented so that I can fucking stop this from happening in the past…I really need to stop checking my cell. It's simply pathetic.

***

Three o'clock. Dammit Jasper! Where are you?!

***

Four o'clock….Maybe he'd come around late. Yes, that's it…he's just late.

***

At least now, I know he isn't late. Just a fucking 'No Show.' Its eight now; if he wanted to come…he'd have been here a long time back. Dammit!

***

So this is it. All those days were for nothing? Was our _friendship_ for nothing? Don't I mean _anything_ to him?

***

Well. I'd be damned if I let Jasper Whitlock dictate my life. If he wants nothing to do with me…I'm not going to go running after him. I'm not one of Kate's sluts! I don't run after assholes! I have a life. And Jasper is not a part of it anymore. Sorry Jasper.

***

I sighed as I got ready for school. The weekend was horrible. I spent every second of the day thinking about that good-for-nothing little motherfucker. No matter how hard I try to think he means nothing to me…I can't…because he does…these past weeks. He has been the only thing in my life worth mentioning…my life started revolving around him…and then he just…takes it all away…

What kind of disgusting little prick _does_ that? I never asked him to jump into my life…I never asked him to _become_ my life…and I definitely never asked him to take that all away!

***

I stood in the cafeteria line trying to be inconspicuous in looking for Jasper. He was nowhere to be found. I sighed as I looked down to the floor.

***

The day passed uneventfully and I heard through the gossip line that Jasper was taking the day off. Nobody knew why. I bit my lip and wiped beneath my wet eyes as I scurried off.

***

Once again, I sat on my bed staring at my cell phone wondering if I should just call him and ask him to put all this behind us. Could I do that?

No. I can't. I _won't!_ I'm _not_ the kind of girl that begs and pleads after guys. And I'm not about to change for this little fucker. If he wants to talk to me…he knows where to find me. If he wants to talk to me, he'll make it happen.

***

Maybe he just needs a little time to get over all this. Yeah. That's it. If I give him his space today…he'll come over tomorrow all nice and happy.

***

Maybe I can just call him…That might make him hurry up with his decision to forget it all! Or maybe that would just make it all worse.

***

URGH!! I can't even concentrate on homework. Jasper is fucking consuming my brain! How the hell does he _do_ that?

***

Well. The homework thing obviously didn't work…maybe I can just read something…

***

I kept sliding my cell open and close as I tried reading the e-book open in front of me.

But it just wasn't working! Every time I reached the second paragraph, I couldn't remember what the first one had said. Finally, the frustration took over and I slammed the laptop shut and fell on my bed with my palms pressed hard against my eyes. I tried evening out my breath as the fact I had been trying to escape caught up with me. I miss Jasper.

***

Now that I had accepted that I _was_ in fact missing Jasper, I started wondering if I had not been too hard on him….I mean, the guy, my best friend asked me to be his girlfriend. He had to care for me on some level, right? If I were just a damn bet, he wouldn't have skipped school. Obviously he feels something….and then…and then as soon as he asked me I shout "NO" at him and push him out of the house…that couldn't have felt too good to him, right?

***

Now I really miss him. And I'm starting to question why I ever said no to him. Sure…he probably can never be as serious as I can about relationships….and love…but how can I be sure about it if I don't give him a chance? He's become my best friend…he deserves that damned chance.

***

I decided that the next day I would talk to him, so here I am, in the school parking lot, waiting for the bell to ring. His car was already here, so I knew he would be, too. But I couldn't see him anywhere so I figure our little talk could wait until lunch break.

***

Okay. So. It's lunch break. And I'm right here. And Jasper is right there. So…what's the problem, right? I'll tell you. The problem is the five-foot-four-inch-tall, black-haired little minx, also known as Alice Brandon, hanging off Jasper's arm.

Boy. He sure moves on fast. Nice to know I meant so much to him.

***

So here I am lying in my bed at night dissecting every movement Jasper and Brandon made. Some crappy body language guidebook would tell me that they weren't into each other. I mean, they just didn't look as if they were flirting…their expressions were serious and they weren't laughing…It was mostly Jasper who talked, but Brandon opened her mouth now and then, too.

***

Wait! I know…he was just confused, probably heartbroken, about us…and he probably was just talking to her…I mean…he _is_ allowed to have friends. When I'm his girlfriend, I'm not going to be a bitch about that. Uh-Wait -Rewind-Pause- 'Girlfriend'?!

Wow. My subconscious sure works fast…I didn't even know I was going to say yes to him already…hmm…maybe I would…he is awfully handsome…

***

Wow. Another school day. Where did the time go? It feels like it was just yesterday I kicked Jasper out of my house!

So…now, what's the plan? Do I wait for Jasper to come up to me…or do I go and talk to him…? Or text him…? Ugh. Let's just wait and watch where this goes.

***

Nowhere. Yeah. That's where things without a plan go. No-fucking-where. Every time I saw him, he had people around him, especially that skank, Brandon. And it was as if he was purposely ignoring me. He didn't even glance once in my direction. Believe me, I would have known. I was staring at him all the time. So. Once again, here I am…lying in my bed at night…missing that douche bag. I sighed and closed my eyes, willing sleep to find me.

***

A rattling sound woke me up and I looked around wildly, clutching my blanket tightly against my chest. The same noise sounded again and I stared in the general direction it seemed to be coming from.

The window!

I squinted my eyes and am positive that there were pebble-like things hitting its glass. Pebbles? Against a window? My brows furrowed in confusion as I tried to remember whether I had fallen asleep on a Romeo& Juliet set. Wait. Romeo…? Fucking hell! Jasper?!

I shot up from my bed and sure enough, standing underneath my window was a drenched Jasper. I bit my lip and melted to the floor right there and then. How sweet is this? Lothario turned into Romeo. Just for me!

I slowly opened the window, trying to be as quiet about it as possible. The storm outside was loud enough. Coupled with the damn window's squeak, Charlie would wake up for sure. I could go down the stairs…but that might wake him up, too. So this was my safest bet. Besides, isn't this how Romeo and Juliet did their thing? "O Romeo, Romeo"?

Thankfully, Jasper stopped his personal pebble-shower when he saw me. And once again, he managed to stop me in my tracks by shouting out loud enough that I could hear him above the storm.

"I LOVE YOU!"

My jaw unhinged and I stared at him, speechless, as he carried on,

"I don't know why you don't want us to be together but I love you, dammit! And I don't give a fuck about anything else. If you're playing hard to get then keep on playin' sweetheart, cause I ain't giving up on you. Ever!"

Now my jaw was no longer in danger of falling off, but my lip sure was in danger of being chewed off. I had only mentally prepared myself for being with him. I hadn't exactly given it a lot of thought. And to be completely honest…I'm not sure I'm at that point yet. Can't we just take one thing at a time? Jasper was still into his monologue, so I thought I'd just wait for him to be done. It's not as if I had much to say, anyway.

"Bella. You don't even have to say it back. I'm okay with that. Seriously, I am! You most probably don't love me at this point, anyway…and it's okay! It's perfectly okay! Just please give me the chance to make you feel that way! Please say that you'll be mine! I'm already yours…just say that you'll take me…please, just please…"

I tried to blink away my burry vision, but when that didn't work, I started nodding my head fiercely.

**Please review and let me know what you think!**


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